I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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