remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
