I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
