yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
