So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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