We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize