Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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