He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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