WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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