Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Too much gin, very little bucket
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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