I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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