My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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