but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
