Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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