The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
