remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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