she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
