Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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