"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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