i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
