Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
