It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize