Acid is not a monday night drug
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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