and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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