Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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