Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the day after is always just damage control
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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