Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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