Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
