Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.

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(515): View more from Iowa

then she stuck her tongue in my ass

(1-515): View more from Iowa

I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

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(313): View more from Michigan

Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice

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(602): View more from Arizona

i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though

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(778): View more from British Columbia

She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?

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(347): View more from New York

she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her

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