are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
