Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All the doctor said was why
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
