dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
did you just send me my own nude
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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