There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
