we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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