new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
