she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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