Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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