when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
