she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
