dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love having hate sex.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
