The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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