What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
