Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The air taste purple.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
