so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
