Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
