What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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