What a fucking waste of an outfit
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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