You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
