The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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