he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need water and some morals
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
