you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
