and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
