don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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