Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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