facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
