I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
