This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The best revenge is premature balding
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
