I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize