i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
