do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
