I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
