U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
