put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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