I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
