i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
