True but thats because hes a fetus.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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