i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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