thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
