he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
