That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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